Runaway Mom

I think every mom has thought about it. Just getting in the car and running away. As I was getting my hair done with my beloved hairdresser, who also has countless kids, we were bemoaning the lack of gratitude in our teenagers. As long as there is food, clean clothes, and constant Wi-Fi at home, they are mostly content. They growl “yes” and “no” from in front of their screens and somedays barely acknowledge our existence. I said out loud to her that I wanted to run away and see how long it took for them to notice.

The day I made that statement was Valentine’s Day. I made sugar cookies, gave gifts, etc… and I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Hardly a thank you. By Saturday morning I was feeling thoroughly sorry for myself.

The beach was calling. What if? What if I actually did it?

My husband was out, daughter in the shower, son in front of the computer when I made my escape. I was nervous. I shoved things in my travel bag quickly, walked it to the car unnoticed and drove away. How far could I get before the guilt set in, and turned around?

Apparently, I could get pretty far. 4 hours from home far.

And it was glorious.

The first text I got from one of the teenagers “is there anything for dinner?”

Me…. “you’re on your own tonight.” Guilt. Free.

My husband knew something was up. He thought I was at one of the many hotels in town. He was a bit shocked at how far I’d gone, but supportive and understanding. What else could he say?

I got a cheap hotel, not wanting my weekend to break the bank.

Having packed so hastily, I had to run to the Goodwill and grab a beach chair and hat and set off on a walk to the beach with my 10lbs of books, journals and diet soda like it was my job.

I settled in my chair, buried my feet in the sand, applied sunscreen, and my new hat and willed the peace to come.

And it did.

I journaled, read, walked along the shore and collected seashells. I did not have to apply sunscreen to anyone but myself, feed anyone, nor did I talk to a single soul except to order food that was bad for me. I watched the sunset and walked back to my hotel and watched bad cable TV.

Yes, it’s was easy to feel replenished when I didn’t have to contend with anyone. It was easy not to feel rattled when there is no one to rattle me. It was easy not to feel ignored when there was no to ignore me.

I was gone for three days and two nights. My mind was clear, my heart was happy. I felt renewed. My house was still standing and my family was still alive and still loved me when I returned.

I went to my therapist a day later. He cheered for me for taking care of myself. But we both acknowledged, much to my dismay, I could not run away every weekend.

The next step is learning to set boundaries and making time for myself that isn’t idle time in front of Netflix, but time renewing the soul. But that is another post altogether.